Episode 4 – The show opened with the Vulcan at Yas Marina. Chris Harris gave us some information about the car but I wanted more. Why isn’t it street legal in the UK? What are its faults? It goes fast but so do a lot of other cars. The photography wasn’t all that good, looked like they toned down the colours. Afterwards Chris Evans, “We’re not supposed to drive the Vulcan around our track BUT WE’RE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY!’

The car vs train to Venice was idiotic. If the Jag & Audi were crocks they looked pretty good to me & what was Matt doing on a motorbike? It wasn’t really a race because they drove in convoy. The motorbike was clearly a cheap gimmick. Comparisons with the old Top Gear are inevitable. The former presenters introduced their crocks, told us why they chose them, argued about which one was better & the race was on. We knew something disastrous was going to happen. But to who? Where? It created excitement & interest. Meanwhile the presenter on the train was settling in & for the rest of the film it went back & forth tracking progress of both until it reached a usually unexpected conclusion.

The chef challenge was an example of the writers desperately trying to inject a little excitement into what was otherwise a dull film. We also saw very little of Eddie Jordan, obviously in the lap of luxury. Again, the Jag & Audi didn’t look very shabby either. Cooking on an engine block? On what purports to be a car show? Gimme a break. Sabine can be quite charming but the accent is a little hard to understand sometimes & she contributed nothing. The finish was anticlimactic.

The best part was Eddie Jordan driving around Monaco in an E-type explaining all the corners, where & why to position a car. Very informative, stuff gear heads like to hear. It was the best segment of the whole show.

Rory in the Tesla didn’t cut it. He obviously liked the car but glossed over one major drawback. There aren’t many charging stations & if you can’t charge the car it obviously won’t go anywhere. Why did the producers chose New York City? What was the connection between NYC & the Tesla? He could have been anywhere and tooling around on what looked like the Cross County Expressway isn’t exactly upstate New York.

The guest segment was far too long as always but gave Evans more opportunities to shout. He also might want to think about changing his clothes. He’s worn the same outfit for every show

I’m sure the writers are doing their best but they’re simply not creative enough & a wooden Matt who is clearly phoning it in & near hysterical Evans don’t help. It’s like trying to put the fizz back in a drink that’s gone flat. It can’t be done. The whole show (Jordan at Monaco being the exception) was excruciatingly boring. My prediction is that viewership will continue to drop. Is Top Gear fixable? Maybe but my guess is that a lot of people aren’t going to stick around & wait to find out.

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“The Centurion Chronicles”